My Falcon Dilemma

Holy hawg bass, Batman! Did you guys see the new, 15.63-pound, Lake Falcon record largemouth? Giant. Toad. Slob. Bassosaurus. Swamp donkey. Brush brute. Whatever your favorite word for a ginormous bass of a lifetime is, insert it here.

I’ve fished Falcon several times. It’s a magical place. Yes, it’s just as good as all the stories suggest. The bass are mean. The breakfast tacos can’t be beat. And the locals are about as laid back as they come [siestas, anyone?]. But there’s just one problem: I’m no longer allowed to fish there.

Yep, you heard right. I’m banned. Forbidden. Prohibida la pesca.

What insurmountable force could withhold me from pursuing Zapata’s bullish bass? Is it Texas Parks and Wildlife? Nope. Maybe the border patrol? Nuh-uh. The notorious Mexican piratas? Wrong again. Out of guesses? I’ll give you a hint: she’s about 5’7″ tall with blonde hair and green eyes. Yep. It’s the wife.

Go ahead and laugh. Call for my man card. There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t already heard from my fishin’ buddies. I’m pretty calloused to the razzing at this point.

My wife is pretty much the coolest chick on the planet. She lets me fish just about any dang time and place I want. Last year I hopped all over Texas and Louisiana fishing tournaments and she never complained once. If I really wanted to load up the gear and head to Falcon she would shake her head and say, “Fine. Just go.” But the bottom line is my conscience just won’t let me high-tail it out of town while momma and baby sit at home wondering whether or not I’m catching a 10-pounder or bloating in the south-Texas sun with a hole in my head.

Do I think Falcon is dangerous? Well, that depends which side you fish. I think the American side of Lake Falcon is about as safe as any other reservoir in the country—really. And I’d even say that most of the Mexican water isn’t too bad, either [just stay on the main lake and you’ll be fine]. However, convincing my wife of that is a different story.

So Paraders, I ask you, what would you do if you were in my shoes? Maybe I could tell the wife we were headed to Fork when we accidentally took a wrong turn and ended up in Mexico. Or I could just find a new lake to fish [if you’ve experienced Falcon, this isn’t really an option]. Maybe I should throw her in the truck and take her along with me to show her there’s nothing to be afraid of. After she hooks into one of those Zapata dump trucks they call bass she’ll forget all about any pirate nonsense.

All I know is after seeing the stud in the picture below [the fish, not Tommy Law] I HAVE to get back to the land of the giants ASAP.



  1. Chad Keogh

    January 11, 2011 at 7:53 am

    If your wife is really as cool as you say, then offer her a trip to California and go fish some waters where a 15 lber wouldn’t likely even raise an eyebrow. I’d kill to go fish the Delta, Clear Lake, Lake Casitas, Castaic, Shasta, and Miramar.

    • Jason

      January 11, 2011 at 11:55 am

      Eh, but Falcon is less than a 6-hour drive from me. I can visit Falcon 3-5 times a year or more. That’s just not an option for Cali. I like the way you think, though.

  2. Jody White

    January 11, 2011 at 8:47 am

    Or Conroe, there are hawgs there.

    • Jason

      January 11, 2011 at 11:56 am

      Hold that thought. I’ve got an article coming on Conroe soon.

  3. Rich

    January 11, 2011 at 10:31 am

    Tell her you want to go fishing in Acapulco really bad, but you will settle for Zapata

  4. BryanT

    January 11, 2011 at 10:31 am

    I have fished a club tourney down there for the past three years. Unfortunately some of the wives of these club members but the kabosh on it this year. Although now they are thinking Amistad?(isn’t that still on the border?) Whatever, I’ll roll wherever and enjoy the crappy food, crappy lodging, and ice cold beer.

    • Jason

      January 11, 2011 at 11:59 am

      I’ve fished Amistad, too. It’s a beautiful place, but doesn’t hold a candle to Falcon.

      And, yes, you’re exactly right. It’s on the border just as much as Falcon is, but the kicker here is media coverage. News talks about Falcon, Falcon, Falcon. But you never hear a peep about Amistad.

      Both bodies of water are probably equally “dangerous”, but one gets media coverage and one doesn’t. Lame.

      Where you from, Bryan?

      • BryanT

        January 11, 2011 at 2:51 pm

        Living in SE WI now, lived in Austin TX for 4 years and still roll with the old club to the traveling T to Falcon. Good times with good friends. I’ll take L Mich, L Erie smallies over Falcon bass any day though. That is why I’m looking out my window quietly cussing at the idea that I may have to shovel twice today.

  5. Alex Voog

    January 11, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    I was going to say something smart like: “We’ll send the newest floral patterned skirt out to you right away, just in time for you to wear it next time you’re out fishing for dinks on your local farm pond.” but then I read the magic word: BABY. Your wife sounds uber-cool, and might acquiesce, but with a baby we have to cut y’all some slack. That said, a Remington Model 700 would fit in the rod locker quite nicely. It IS Texas after all.

    • Jason

      January 11, 2011 at 12:31 pm

      Yep! That’s the trump card, Alex. We’ve got a 4-month-old, slobbering, puking, pooping bundle of joy that seems to operate on about 40 minutes of sleep a day. It’s an interesting time in our household.

  6. Ryan Alford

    January 11, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    One his clients also had a 13 that day with their big 5 going over 47 pounds. I have been out with Tommy and its def a trip you will not forget!

  7. Jacob Robinson

    January 11, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Ive already decided that im carrying my .45 whenever i fish Falcon.

    • Jason

      January 11, 2011 at 2:44 pm

      Jacob, you’re talking to a gun-toting, concealed carry permit-having Texan. I carry a firearm virtually everywhere, every single day.

      One BIG word of warning about carrying a firearm on border waters. If you get caught with so much as a single bullet as an American citizen in Mexico, you can be thrown in Mexican prison for a long, long time. I’m not trying to scare you or exaggerate a story, but the Federales don’t play around

      Carrying a firearm is fine, given that you stay in the states and have proper licensing, but don’t make a wrong turn or fish the Mexican side of the lake or it’s trouble.

      • Jacob Robinson

        January 11, 2011 at 3:06 pm

        Well there goes that idea haha. I think our government should just “Handle” the situation down there personally. The Mexican government is getting walked on by those groups.

  8. Jay

    January 11, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    Women are retarded when it comes to matters like this. Lay down the law, tell her the ratio of rec boats to border is at least 1:3.Tell her the local economy is dying right now because sheep like her go down there because they’ll end up getting shot by the turrerist. And if you want to get down the nitty gritty, tell her that the guys who did it were dead in less than 48 hours because the local drug cartels don’t want the attentions on their operation. I wouldn’t include that last part, but it’s true so feel safe in a “Pablo Escobar was a drug lord but he kept Colombia in order” kind of way.

  9. Shaggybass

    January 12, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    If that’s a picture of your wife with the NO sign I’d stay home and stop whinning!! With a new born apperently she holds a yes sign every now and then!! Just Saying!

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