What If Bassin’ Was an Olympic Sport?

Well, it would…suck. Here’s why.

First of all, it would develop into something that barely resembles bassin’. Take this photo:

That’s an olympic rifle shooter. Rifle?! Shooter? Looks like a watch repairer trying to build the world’s best weed-wacker.

Even the shotgun – the lowest-tech firearm – has all kinds of weirdness on it:

Pretty sure a goat could hit a pigeon with one o’ those….

And let’s not forget the clothes. Bass fishing has gone from vests with patches, to embroidery on shirts, to sublimated tees. Bassers are reeeeeeeeally lookin’ good now.

So would we really want to take more than a few steps back by sporting the “olympic outfits” designed by “designers” – whose entire lives are dedicated to dreaming up ways to wear clothes that no one would ever wear?

Here’s the USA outfit for this year:

 

Guy looks like he just walked off the Red October. You know, that Russian sub in the Tom Clancy movie.

Speaking of the Red October, here’s what the Russians have to wear:

Almost makes you make sorry for the Soviets, doesn’t it? The guy in the back is the only one who’s showing his real feelings about what he has to wear….

And what about this dude from Spain:

Looks like he’s heading to work at McDonalds….

That’s only the tip of the iceberg:

> China, which doesn’t have black bass, would nevertheless find a way to cheat in the tourneys.

> The International Olympic Committee would “look into it,” do nothing and also find a way to back-in entry fees for the tourneys.

> Our wonderful gov’t would find a way to tax bass boats coming back into the U.S., “import duties” or whatever…and still lend money to Wall St. at 0% interest (genius!).

> NBC would pass over Sanders and Zona for someone who doesn’t know jack about fishing but has done 100 Olympic broadcasts before so he simply must be qualified.

> Speaking of that, Olympic bassin’ would never air on TV anyway because NBC knows that us Americans can’t get enough friggin’ gymnastics. I need me some more floor exercise, dude!

Sheesh.

But…maybe the boats would look cool?

Anyhow, let’s keep bassin’ as far away from the Olympics as we can…not that there’s any danger of the two gettin’ together anytime soon…thank goodness.