Now This is a Wacky Worm

Nobody throws ‘normal-sized’ worms anymore. All the cool kids know that if you’re gonna sling plastic, you better be chuckin’ a worm that’s at least 10-inches long—12-inches, even better. But, if you really want to step your game up, you’ll forego that cliche hand-poured plastic altogether and pull out the big gum… I mean, gun.

When astute Bass Parader Brian Waldman (thanks Brian!) sent us this link to this massive, sugar-laden confection, I thought, “Who the #$% would buy something like this?” Then I looked at the right-hand column. Sold out? Every dang color! Sold out!

How many people out there need a 26-inch, 3-pound, 4,000-calorie blob of sugar? Then it hit me. Think about the possibilities.

You’re dredging a ledge on Kentucky Lake. It’s mid-day and your stomach starts to growl. No need to go through the time-consuming process of digging out your lunch. Just reel in, take a bite and you’ll be hit with a sugar buzz so intense it’ll make you see the future. Even KVD can appreciate the efficiency in that scenario.

You’re fishing the Mexican side at Falcon and get approached by pirates—no problem! What kind of pirate in his right mind is going to approach a crazy gringo waving around a 2-foot long gummy worm screaming “Remember the Alamo!”?

Let’s say you’re a co-angler and the d-bag on the front of the boat is rear-ending you. One thwomp upside the head with the mega gummy and you’ll be fishing clean water the rest of the day.

And we haven’t even talked about the actual fish catching part, yet. If big baits catch big fish, what do “Ohmyeffingosh that thing is huge”-sized baits catch? And those fancy-pants scientists at Berkley can tout their special Gulp! sauce all they want, nightcrawler scent ain’t got nothin’ on the ribbed, sugary goodness that is mega gummy.

Dangit. Now I’ve gone off and convinced myself I need this thing. Oh, mega gummy, you will be mine.

Surely our clever Bass Parade readers can come up with some other uses for this thing? We want to hear ’em in the comments section.